Milennial Motherhood

My son is now almost seven months old.  At his age Beep was somewhat serious and cautious, more of an observer of people and things.  She is an old soul and even in her silly and obstreperous toddlerhood has remained steadfastly rooted in the ages.

Bean's soul is as bright and young as they come.  He's gregarious, giggly, and equally friendly to those who admire his dimples.  He's a very different child than Beep. 
 

 

We are raising them through babyhood in much the same way.  Both are held often, put down rarely and kissed constantly.  Our strollers sit neglected in the garage while the baby carriers are worn constantly.  We decline the high chair at restaurants and the baby's car seat is empty except when we're driving.

I crave the time with my babies, and the days spent apart (while I work) are hard to stomach, some days more than others.  Mondays are hard.  

With Beep, laughing together is a balm to my soul, and reading her bedtime books fills my yearning for her.  With our sweet Bean, nursing him soothes my mother's heart.  To have the privilege of nursing him at home I plow my way through four breastmilk pumpings a day at work. 

After more than 440 pumpings with this baby alone (not counting Beep), saying I am sick. of. it. is an extreme understatement.  Pumping is inconvenient, uncomfortable, never-ending, yields little, and is generally a disruptive pain.  I liken it to having my teeth cleaned. Every day, four times a day.  

But what I am not sick of is holding my baby boy close when I sit down to feed him myself, and seeing him smile in anticipation.  I am not tired of knowing I am his mother and the only one who can feed him this way.  He needs me, and I need him.  So I invest the time and effort, and I sacrifice my comfort and convenience, and I choose to work really hard at pumping breast milk five days a week.   

Because at the end of the day, after I turn off my office light, drive, pick up the babies, drive more, and finally sit down with him, there is comfort and love embodied and closeness.  There is this.       

The Dance Card is Full

Hello!  

So it seems I overestimated the elasticity in my own life.  Over the past few years as my career and our family have grown, I always figured out how to squeeze every last minute out of each day and still always add one more thing.  

That works until it... doesn't.  

I suppose everyone reaches a point of being overcommitted, and for me it turns out that was one child ago.  I have definitely summitted the hill of my to do list, and blogging was pushing me over the edge.

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while know I have always juggled a full schedule.  I worked, I commuted, I had a husband and a baby girl, I rode my horse, I cleaned my own house (or it stayed dirty), I DIY'd projects, and I still blogged more days than not.  I tried to have it all, and I did.  Hooray for me!  I was superwoman!

I then had a beautiful baby boy (via c-section) and returned to work (6 weeks later) at the height of our manically busy time of year.

It turns out there wasn't room for everything.  I was saddened, but something had to give and I unfortunately have had to make that one thing this blog.  

I think about writing all the time and I miss it.  I do anticipate being able to return to it more regularly in a few weeks.  Probably around the first of March.  I can't wait!  I hope you are willing to return to reading regularly when I write regularly.  Pretty please?

In the meantime, here are the people I've been focusing my time on.

I think it's the hair that really makes this picture.  Beep has been just great.  She is feeding deer cookies, eating her vegetables, learning vocabulary at the speed of light, making new friends, and is (almost) potty trained. 

Allow me to introduce our second child, our son.  We call him Bean.  He is tiny and dimpled and totally fantastic.  We are all having so much fun with this new miniature version of my husband. :)  He's four months old now. 

So please know I'll try to check in more often between now and the beginning of March.  After that, I should be able to post more regularly.  If I don't, it's because I'm working very long days and spending my few precious minutes with my babies and my husband.

And perhaps, every once in a while, I'll be sleeping.

xoxo,
Katie

Ragged and Worth It

*tap tap tap*
Is this thing on?
Is anyone out there?

....Ahem.

I figured it was time for a post.  I mean, I know it's only been A MONTH since my last check-in, but I'm an overachiever. 

We are settling into being a family of four, and I am just ridiculously busy between caring for babies, working more than full time, nursing/pumping/changing diapers and all the other boring blahblah minutiae that comprises a life.  I wave at my husband in passing...  If we're lucky.  First world problems, I guess.  And trust me when I say I always remember how blessed I am. 

Here's the reality of my life at this point, which I don't mind sharing with the interwebs. My house is a mess.  My hair usually air dries and ends up in a ponytail (thank you God for a casual workplace), I don't wear anything that requires ironing, and I am typically quite sleep deprived.  My horse barely recognizes me and I haven't found time to start the post-baby workouts I crave.  I'm not organized, and I will not be participating in one of those "show the contents of your purse" reveals anytime soon because it might scare even me. The laundry is never completely clean, folded, AND put away.   I am not Supermom. 

My blog is totally neglected (surprise!) and when I tried to get in to share this post, I discovered I've reached my photo storage limit.  Aaaaand in trying to fix that issue, I created another.  So with that note I'll ask you to please ignore the yawning black holes of nothingness where photos formerly resided in my posts. 

This is when you should take a moment to marvel at my AWESOME COMPUTER GENIUSNESS RAY-Of-LIGHT READY-FOR-HIRE. 

Anyway, I'll fix that little photo apocalypse problem.  And then I'll pay the extra storage fee I was trying to avoid.  Lesson learned.   

So yes, I'm feeling a bit ragged these days and it's easy to start to think I'm in over my head.

But.  Then there's this.

She melts my heart.

And this tableau confined my perspective to the three people who comprise the center of my universe.

 Suddenly it doesn't seem to matter if I'm in over my head.  We'll figure it out together.  Together, we share sweet moments of fleeting infancy.

We have everyday joys fueled by cookies as we ruin our dinner.

 There is wonderment while we watch our baby girl becoming a big sister. 

And finally, there's this. 

Yes, that's right.  We got a donkey. Her name is Roxy.  

Heavenhelpme.